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Jul. 26th, 2009

so amazing, so powerful - one day to be me

I see myself in this dance - I truly do!

Jul. 14th, 2009

a book I am writing

I have decided to write a book. About me and my pro ana/mia life. I hope one day to have it published.... obviously not anytime soon. Maybe one day when I get better, or die. Which ever comes first I guess....
It's nice to write about my years with ana and mia. It's been 5 years now, and I'm seeing not much has changed in me (just the way I like it) except lost about 30 pounds ( I know it's not much don't make fun) ! Random blog I know... just feel like writing I guess.
starving is tough, bones are beautiful, when thin isn't enough

Jul. 12th, 2009

living mind of an anorexic

    Living life pro is hard for anyone. Whether you're fighting against it or for it. Constantly counting calories, hiding food journals, measuring every inch of your body to make sure it hopefully will go lower and lower. Searching all over town for an outfit that actually fits your "fat" body. It's tough. For everyone. I wish people understood that what we go though is sometimes the hardest part of our day. Restricting the food and nutrients we know our bodies need to look like those girls that we see everyday. We walk down the street and challenge the voices in our heads telling us were not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough... Until they win - and we purge.

    Anorexia is judgment - we look in the mirror and find all our flaws. Anorexia looks at us and tells us "I am bad when I am fat. And I am always fat". We find our salvation through starvation. Those who don't understand don't matter. We fight for ourselves to be what we can't we can never find "skinny enough" yet we strive for it everyday, and punish and push ourselves to limits we've never reached until we collaps. Anorexia is a mix of a low self - esteem. A yearning for a better body. A loss of control. These are things most anorexics have in common. I know this because all these things describe me.

   Anorexia is a secret, shameful state of mind; and for an anorexic eating is the most repulsive indulgence. When we eat, we have failed ourselves and failed as an anorexic, when if you succeed as an anorexic, you're dead. There's no way to fail anorexia, just fail what it has become of you. You have failed when you let anorexia win. When you have lost hope in yourself, you've regained the mind of an anorexic.


Jul. 9th, 2009

nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Been awhile and still not used to this whole live journal thing. Summer is here... and we all know what that means, as all our friends go out and party, we sit at home thinking up another excuse not to go out. Sitting with a calculator (for those who are bad at math) counting calories to make such you got for bid stay under 500. Summer is hard for all of us striving to be thin. It makes all our hopes hopeless. PLEASE have a plan. I don't but I'm sure I'll think of one. BE STRONG BE BRAVE BE PRO!
starving is tough, bones are beautiful, when thin isn't enough

Mar. 26th, 2009

oh, this sucks...

I need some help... i keep gaining weight and am having a hard time staying away from not only food but BAD food and fatty foods. What can i do to control my urges? and stay away from fatty food, and most foods in general
I am also a dancer, I need some healthy diets that can make me lose weight fast since we are competing soon, and i really want to look good and get the extra TEN pounds i gained OFF
please help ! :)
hope everyone else is doing better than i am !